Ruminations in Korea

Let me preface this by saying that I could not possibly care less about the TV show “Survivor.” I was just flipping through the channels and saw that Survivor was on Q-Channel. it took me about 6 seconds to realize it was the season where the Korean-American won. That led me to remember that many foreigners were wondering why the Korean media didn’t make a big deal about it.

Well, it seems all of the questions about “why didn’t the Korean media mention anything about the Ko-Ams winning survivor” has finally been answered. Q-channel is right now in the middle of showing every episode of the season back-to-back under the title:

스바이버 데이 - 한국인 우승 특집
Survivor Day - Korean Victory Special

The tribes were originally divided according to race, White, Hispanic, Black, and Asian. In the end Korean(-Americans) won proving that Asians are the greatest “race” in the world and that Koreans are the best of the Asians….Ergo… Koreans are the greatest race on earth!

Ever wonder why North Korea is so good and America sucks so much? Just ask your friendly neighborhood North Korean Propaganda Machine.

Look for a cameo by comedian Ari Shaffir, aka “The Amazing Racist”.

BEHOLD! the “Majestic Image of the Great Son of Partisans”, Kim Jong Il. who has apparently brought about great innovations “that no one can presuppose or imagine”…which, from the video appears to be snow, dirt roads, and fantasy art.

In “Girls In My Hometown”, we learn why “Happiness Is……North Korea.” Although I am not sure I follow the argument, it seems to go something like this: In other countries, they are only seeking pleasures, not spending their time fighting for revolution, and emancipation. Therefore, other countries are in a terrible state and our ancestors would be horrified to see such abominations. On the other hand, North Korea is the best country in the word because they have persimmons, carrots, and lovely girls who can sing and who talk like evangelical ministers on speed.

ON THE OTHER HAND… Maybe it’s not such a great place and is more like this:

Just as an added bonus. A light-hearted look at North Korean news reports about their recent missile launch.

Click here to listen to the Dokdo Rider Blues

The little bits of rock islands of Dokdo, which continue to be a diplomatic issue for Japan and a life-or-death, nationalistic struggle for Korea, are in the news again.

South Korea launched a research vessel from here in Pusan to antagonize Japan conduct research. The Japanese Coast Guard chased the vessel. The vessel finished its antagonization research and is returning to port.

With that bit of news, I feel the need to check in on the Dokdo Riders. When last we left the Dokdo Riders, they were meeting the East Bay Rats Motorcycle Club and preparing to ride to Texas. Updates coming soon.

In order to celebrate the return of the Dokdo Riders to my blog and the public conscience, I have recorded a song that I call “Dokdo Rider Blues.”

Click here to listen to the Dokdo Rider Blues
To save bandwidth, please right-click the link or picture and save the link/target to your hard drive.

Lyrics:

Now tell me where my Dokdo Rider’s gone?
Won’t you tell me where my Dokdo Rider’s gone?
Well, everywhere these Japanese are always wrong.

Dokdo rider, he ride out on the road.
Dokdo rider, he ride out on the road.
I’m a poor boy here and I got nowhere to go.

There will be a time when we don’t need no Japan.
There will be a time when we don’t need no Japan.
So shut your mouth and don’t be raisin’ no sand.*

Bike I ride don’t burn no fuel at all**
Bike I ride don’t burn no fuel at all
The fuel I’s burnin’ some say is the cannonball

I went to the Island and put my old flag down.
I went to the Island and put my old flag down.
Dokdo blues overtake me and tears come rollin’ down.

Island I love it must be Korea land.
Island I love, it must be Korea land.
People say it’s Takeshima, and my face it in a terrible frown

I know a guy he protestin’ all of the time.
I know a guy he’s protestin’ all of the time.
Man if you don’t stop protesting you goin’ lose your mind.

Said fair brown what the matter now?
Said fair brown what the matter now?
Japan tryin’ to take my island and he don’t know how.

*“Raisin’ sand” is a blues term that means “causing trouble”, “making problems,” or “arguing.”

** This is a fairly inuendo-ridden sentence. In blues terminology “ride” is very commonly used to refer to an intimate act. “Cannonball” is used similarly.

Late last night I was reading Korean news. Story after story after story was about the World Cup and how Korea was unfairly ousted from the tournament because of a perceived bad call by a referee. The more I read about alleged errors, conspiracies, charges of bribery, etc., something inside of me snapped and the words began to flow, and within minutes I had the first and ony draft of the “Referee Blues”.

While this is certainly no comparison to the “F***ing USA” song that some Koreans produced following an incident of perceived injustice and incorrect officiating during the 2002 Olympics, it is my own little tribute to the 2006 World Cup.

To listen, PLEASE, for the sake of bandwidth, right click on the following link or picture, select “save target as” and save the file to your hard drive before listening.

Click here to listen:

Lyrics:

Hey there, referee. How can it be
You penalize Team Korea
No one else gets penalties?
That bad man. That cruel referee.

The Koreans told the referee
Please call the Swiss offsides.
We need this offsides badly.
‘Cuz we waited all our lives.
That bad man. That cruel referee.

What care I ’bout you babies
or the training all your life?
You and your coach Advocaat
Can’t seem to place blame right.
That bad man. That cruel referee.

Dae Han Min Gook
What that offsides flag for?
I didn’t hear no whistle blowing,
But the Koreans don’t play no more.
That bad man. That cruel referee.

Netizens all in a fury.
What you think about that?
We got 40,000,000 people
who want a piece of you.
That bad man. That cruel referee.

He stood there on the sideline
His head held way up high.
The Koreans all want to kill him.
They’d be glad to see him die.
That bad man. That cruel referee.

UPDATE: Thoughts of a Goat provides a You Tube link that proves CONCLUSIVELY that it was NOT an offsides situation. It is clear from the video that, as stated in some of the comments below, that the pass was NOT to Frei. The Swiss player initiated the pass to another teammate, at which time Frei was not offsides. The Korean player intercepted pass and deflected the ball back toward his own goal. Frei advanced toward the Korean goal at the time the Korean intercepted the ball. Frei then, apparently unprepared to be in a position to get the ball, seemingly a bit and disoriented and unsure exactly where the net was made a shot toward the goal that went into the net. Meanwhile ALL the Koreans reacted to the flag and stopped playing. You NEVER stop playing until the whistle is blown. I learned that when I was 8 years old. Koreans who are still up in arms about the clearly correct call need to stop embarassing themselves and their nation.

One thing that has always amuses me about the world of sports is the way that fans and athletes remain silent when the referees make a mistake in their favor, but they will go absolutely out of their mind with rage if the referres make a mistake that goes against their team. While I am amused by this sort of behavior in general, it is downright hilarious here in Korea.

Korea has been on the receiving end of so many officiating errors, oversights, and other mistakes. However, the ref in the World Cup game between the Swiss and the Koreans makes a mistake THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO EFFECT ON KOREANS ADVANCEMENT TO THE NEXT ROUND and people are out for blood.

Here is what happened:

Becasue of the way the point system worked out, Korea had to WIN its match against Switzerland. If Korean lost, they went home. If Korea tied, they went home. It was a MUST WIN situation for Korea.

As the Chosun Ilbo so correctly points out:

Right before the end of the game, Korea had several chances of scoring — a free kick from Lee Chun-soo, Park Chu-young’s left foot shot and Lee Chun-soo’s turning shot — but none of them went in. Kim Jin-kyu had another shot in front of the goalmouth in the 38th minute of the second half, but it bounced back after hitting the post, and Ahn Jung-hwan’s last shot also failed to score. That inability to convert opportunities cost Korea the match.

There we have a list of several chances for winning the game. Several missed opportunities to advance to the next round. But do Koreans hold their team responsible for the loss? Of course not! That would be absurd! They blame the referee.

It is, of course a traumatic experience.

“The moment the referee acknowledged it as a goal, I cried utterly because it was too unfair. He just turned a deaf ear to our claim,” said Kim So-yun, 17, still on the verge of tears.

What was too unfair? According to everyone in Korea (and, after all, who else is entitled to an opinion?), a Swiss player was offsides during a shot on goal, the ball was being passed to the offsides player. However, during the pass, a Korean player touched the ball. Then the Swiss player who was original offsides kicked the ball into the net for a goal. The sideline referee raised the offsides flag, but did no whistle was blown. The head referee waved off the offsides flag. For SOME COMPLETELY INEXPLICABLE REASON, the Korean team stopped playing as soon as the flag when up. They didn’t wait for the whistle. Korean announcers screamed that it made no sense, all of Korea was up in arms screaming in apartment buildings and on the streets and about the evil, incompetent referee who made a mistake. BUT…..

We see that it is ACTUALLY the KOREAN team that made the mistake:

The ball did last touch off a Korean defender before Frei got on it. Unfortunately, most referees will see that and will not call offside since the laws state that if the defender last plays the ball, that would nullify offsides. Instead of playing the until the whistle, the Koreans played until the flag went up.

In other words, if the Swiss had passed the ball to the offsides player without the Korean touching ball, then it would have been offsides and the goal would have been disallowed. However, what essentially happened is the Swiss player TRIED to pass the ball to the offsides player, but the pass was technically intercepted the instant the Korean defender touched the ball. Thus, the offsides call was nullified. The referee was exactly correct. There was NO error.

Look at the above quote again. Beautiful…. UNFORTUNATELY, most referees will follow the rules. Nice quote. It sums up a lot of things quite nicely:

1. The average Korea is completely clueless about the technical rules of the game.
2. The average Korea doesn’t care about the rules and just expects to win at all costs.
3. If Korea loses, then it must be someone else’s fault.
4. Koreans don’t stop to consider that that one call (ultimately correct) did not affect their standing in the World Cup finals in any way, shape or form.
5. It is unfortunate when referees follow the rules if it means a call against Korea.

So. What has Korea done since “the call?” Have they studied the rules and realized that it was their OWN TEAM’S FAULT for touching the ball during the offsides pass? NO. Have they considered that even if that goal was disallowed, THEY STILL LOSE 1-0? NO. Have they stopped to consider that even if BOTH goals were disallowed and it was a tie, then they STILL would not move on to the next round? NO.

What have they done? They have started a petition for a rematch. They have crashed the FIFA website. They have threatened online to take knives and kill all Swiss supporters. They have theatened to kill the Swiss team if they ever come to Korea. They have accused the Swiss of bribing the referee and accused the referee of accepting the bribe. They have done all manner of stupid, childish,and reprehensible things, including THREATENING TO BLOW UP THE SWISS EMBASSY. Some actions are more childish than others (hat tip to Lost Nomad).

To put all of this in perspective, back in 2002, when Korean was playing Spain and the Spanish team had TWO goals improperly disallowed and an improper out of bound call, Koreans didn’t say anything… hmmm… strange.
Again. There was nothing wrong with the call, but even if there was, Korean still lost and does not advance. Even if the goal was disallowed, the would still have lost 1-0 and not advanced. Even if BOTH goals were disallowed for some reason, Korea would have tied 0-0 and not advanced. Korea failed to score a single goal. THAT is why the lost. Under even the best reasonable circumstances where the second Swiss goal was disallowed, Korea would have still have had to score TWO goals to win…they scored NONE!! Quit your stupid, ignorant, childish whining and embarassing behavior. Korea is DONE. It’s over. Shut up already.

Lee Chun-Soo gently cradles a heartbroken, weeping Ahn Jung-Hwan

To quote from The Rocky Horror Picture Show:

On the day I went away
Goodbye was all I had to say
Now I want to come again and stay
Smile and that will mean I may
‘Cause I’ve see blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize I’m going home
I’m going home….

Four years ago, I was in Hong Kong on a business trip during the World Cup. As I was sitting in my hotel room reading the South China Morning Post newspaper on 15 June 2002, I came across this page:

After realizing that there were words on the page, I read what turned out to be my favorite news story of the 2002 World Cup:

Thus, while some people in South Korea are concerned that the excitment of football is causing Koreans to forget the anniversary of the death of two middle school girls who were run over and killed by an armored US military vehicle on 13 June 2002, the nation remained noticeably silent today on the 4th anniversary of the brave, heroic young man who gave his life to “be a ghost and the 12th man” on the field (pitch) and lead the Koreans to victory against the other teams.

It saddens me that Koreans would so easily forget the ghost who invisibly cheated for team Korea by being an extra man/entity on the pitch. How soon we forget the ghost player — the “Red Devil in the next life” — who secretly and invisibly did all he could to cheat for Korea from beyond they veil to help Korean reach not only the group of eight, which President Kim Dae Jung described as being the greatest accomplishment in Korea’s 5,000 year history, but to go all the way to the final four round.

I think a moment of silence is in order, perhaps even a candlelight vigil to remember “Suicide Man”, the ghost player.

For a Westerner, Korea is a land of differences.  In many respects, Korean culture and most western cultures are 180 degree opposites.

While I freely and often criticize Korean politics, behaviors, and other aspects of society that I find unacceptable anywhere and anytime, I have always made it a personal policy to try to never criticize Korean culture.  Culture issues are at the heart of any nation or people’s existence and, in my opinion, are off limits to critcism by outsiders.  Often the line is vague, and often society and culture overlap. 

Although I try not to be negative about Korean culture, I often find amusement in Korean culture.  I find amusement in things that are so completely different from my American culture that I cannot easily comprehend them or wrap my mind around them.  One thing that has always intrigued and amused me is what I call “leisure uniforms.”

Anyone who has been in Korea for any length of time has noticed “leisure uniforms.”  It is almost an unwritten cultural law that anyone engaging in a particular leisure activity must wear a particular uniform.  For example, Koreans who enjoy walks in the hills or mountains will wear the “mountaineer uniform”, which consists of a multi-pocketed vest (ususally red), very large backpack stuffed full of something or other, a tin cup hanging off the packpack, a floppy hat (men) or big sunvisor (women), gloves, chino-style hiking pants, knee-high thick woolen argyle socks (even in August), giant high-top leather hiking boots, and large metal ice-pick/walking-stick.

Korean biking culture is no different. It also has its uniforms.  Being a biker in America is the ultimate form of individuality and self-expression.  Each bike is unique, and each rider is unique in his physical appearance, dress, style, and attitude.  Although many may wear the same motorcycle club patch, each rider is a distinct individual.  In Korea, there are basically four types of “biker uniform” that are most frequently seen. They are the “regular uniform,” the “policeman uniform,” the “HOG uniform,” and the “freak uniform.”  Like American bikers, Korean bikers are individuals outside of societal norms.  However, in contrast to American bikers, who are separate from society and different from one another, Korean bikers tend to be separate from society and different in exactly the same way.

The “regular uniform” which is nearly universal for the under 45-years old crowd, consists of a half-helmet, eye cover (usually sunglasses), a bandana or other face cover pulled up to directly below the glasses, leather clothes, and boots.  They look something like this: (Read on …)

Ladies and Gentlemen!  Boys and Girls!  Children of all ages!  Welcome!  Welcome to the strangest show on Earth!

On Sunday, I took a  150 kilometer (round trip) motorcycle ride to the weirdest place in Korea, the Jasujeong Amethyst Cave near Ulsan, Korea.  It is quite possible that this is the strangest place on Earth.  I have been many places around the world, but so far, I think this amethyst cave is the oddest place I have ever visited.

I left home early Sunday afternoon and headed North out of Pusan.  I sped along highway 35 North through Yangsan and eased off the throttle after escaping the clutches of Pusan and the surrounding area.

Highway 35 continued to run North wedged between the No 1 Expressway to the East and a river to the west.

I turned West at the small village of Samnam and rode past rice paddies

and on toward the mountains.

A few kilometers into the mountains I passed a pond that reminded me a lot of a pond that I used to swim in when I was a kid growing up in Utah.

Another minute or two down the road, I arrived at the weirdest place in Korea, the Jasujeong Amethyst Cave.

Jodi at Asia Pages has written about this cave before, but reading about the cave and actually seeing inside are different animals.  I thought I would take some pictures so that others could see what is inside the cave. (Read on …)

You know it’s going to be an interesting week, or an interesting day at the very least, when your you have this conversation with a friend before 10:30am:

Me: Happy Monday to you J!
J: rabbits!!
J: do u say that on the first day of the month?
J: or do u think i’m weird
J: for saying ‘rabbits’
Me: ..rabbits?
J: yeah
J: u say ‘rabbits’
J: on the first day of the month
Me: and why do you say that?
J: F*** knows
J: maybe it’s just my mum who was weird
Me: ok.. well then rabbits to you too!
J: no
J: u just say ‘rabbits’
J: let’s try again
J: rabbits!!
Me: Rabbits!
J: woooooo!