Ruminations in Korea

Korean policemen put up with an amazing amount of crap from people. The seem to have an unending supply of patience. In the USA, you have basically two, maybe three, chances to comply with an order before you find yourself pepper sprayed, tazed, beat, hogtied, and/or shot.

Here, in Korea, I have seen Korean policemen suffer being pushed, shoved, cursed at, spit at, and berated for 30 minutes or more while trying resolve a situation. Almost always, the patience of the Korean police pays off and the situation is resolved peacefully, quietly, and with a minimum of testosterone.

Korean traffic cops put up with twice as much garbage as the regular police and seem to be ten times as patient when dealing with people.

It really upsets and disgusts me to see the general disregard for The Law here in Korea. Speeding is out of control, drunk driving is rampant, traffic lights are simply suggestions, and the yellow and white lines are meaningless. Free-range motorcycles wander hither and yon across the road, between vehicles, on the shoulder of the road, and through red lights without being subject to the confines and restrictions of Safety and Law. I can’t count the number of serious traffic violations that occur unchecked right under the nose of the Korean traffic policemen…and often right in front of police stations.

Korean police will hold special activities such as “special illegal parking enforcement month,” “special drunk driving enforcement month,” and “special jaywalking enforcement month. Aren’t these things that should be strictly enforced all the time?

But, I am a hypocrite, and like any good hypocrite, I laud the Korean policemen when they decide not to enforce the law against me. Hating policemen and ridiculing their performance is like hating and ridiculing lawyers; everybody hates them and ridicules them until their services are needed, then they are your best friends. I gripe about the utter lack of enforcement of traffic laws when I see others doing things wrong, but I am not above sniggering about how I “got over” on the police when they let me go, and extolling them for their patience and understanding.

I offer a couple of realrelief-life comparisons between the police in the US and their Korean counterparts:

Comparison 1

US

I roll through a stop sign on a totally empty road at about 1 mile an hour and continue on my way.

Me: (Seeing flashing lights and pulling over) AH EXPLETIVE!!

Police: What was that?

Me: (sheepishly) A stop?

Police: Look…As a slowdown, that was pretty good. But, as a stop, that wasn’t worth a damn. Wait here. You’re getting a ticket.

Cost: US$ 55

KOREA

I gun the engine at the end of a yellow light and blow through a completely red light.

Me: (Seeing a policeman standing in front of me waving for me to pull over) AH EXPLETIVE!!

Policeman: (After coming up to the car and seeing a fat white guy inside) …

Me: (Looking at the policeman) …

Policeman: …

Me: …

Policeman: (scratches he head, smirks, chuckles and motions for me to drive away without him ever uttering a word)

Cost: US$ 0

Comparison 2

US

My speedometer was frozen early one Utah Winter morning. I had to estimate my speed by the car in front of me and by timing the mile marker posts. I was apparently going faster than I thought I was.

Me: (Seeing flashing lights and pulling over) AH EXPLETIVE!!

Policeman: Where’s the fire? (Yes…He really said that)

Me: Was I speeding? My speedometer is frozen this morning.

Policeman: You were doing 7 over the speed limit.

Me: Hmm… Sorry… I’m running a bit late for a final exam.

Policeman: Oh yeah? What class

Me: A law class

Policeman: HA HA HA! You know you have to get a ticket for that one, don’t you? Wait here.

Costs: 45$

Korea

Yesterday morning I was late and on my way to work. I was driving behind this enormous cement mixer that was driving about 10 - 15 KmPH on a 60 KmPH road. I go fed up and gunned the engine. I blew around this cement mixer on a semi-blind corner with a solid yellow line at an intersection in a school zone (damned irresponsible of me, and I do regret it).

Me: (Seeing a policeman standing in front of me waving for me to pull over) AH EXPLETIVE!!

Policeman: (After coming up to the car and seeing a fat white guy inside. Speaking in Korea) uhh.. Do you speak Korean

Me: (In Korean) Yes. I understand you.

Policeman: (in Korea) Why did you just break several laws?

Me: (In Korean) uhh…uhh…Well…I really have nothing to say in my defense.

Policeman: (In Korean, smiling) Come on.. really…Why did you do it?

Me: (In Korean) Really. I have nothing to say. I was just tired of driving behind that cement mixer. Sorry.

Policeman: (In Korean) Let me see your license.

Me: (In Korean) Here.

Policeman: (In Korean and smiling) Look… Don’t do something stupid like that again.

Me: (In Korean) Ok. Sorry.

Policeman: (In English) Bye bye!

Me: (In English) Bye Bye!

Cost: The humiliation of being behind the dump truck again.

I mentioned in the previous entry that “we are now officially in suicide season, where little boys and girls turn into Peter Pan and begin their annual lemming-like plunges off of assorted tall structures.”

It’s that time of year, again. My absolute least favorite time of the Korean calendar: College Entrance Exam Time (The test is now called the “CSAT”).

I wrote about this subject in one of my very first blog posts a year ago. Within 36 hours of talking about the unbelievable pressure that is put on these kids and the potentially deadly consequences for anything less than near perfection, a girl had lept to her death after walking out of the exam. 24 hours later, there was another suicide related to the test. It was also revealed that three people had killed themselves a month prior to the exam due to the pressures of the exam.

Instead of finding ways to alleviate or reduce the incredible competition associated with this test, they government has decided to reduce the number of university students by more than 15,000 specifically to increase the pressure and competitiveness to enter university. Current estimates are that approximately 200 children commit suicide each year because of this exam. I am afraid that it will only get worse.

As I do not expect this year to be any different that past years, it is only a matter of time before the bodies of needlessly wasted youth begin to pile up, if they haven’t already.

Here is a large chuck of what I wrote last year on this subject:

Parents routinely spend USD 1,000 to USD 2,000 per month for as many as 14 years in order to prepare their students for this one day. The results of the test will determine the student’s future. The course of the student’s life, what college or university the student will attend, what type of job the students will have eventually.

High school seniors will usually attend school until 4:00 pm after which they will attend the various institutes, cram school, and study halls until midnight or later. In the run up to the exam, many schools stay open and hold classes until 10:00 pm or later. Students will then go to the study halls and take private tutelage until 2:00 am or so. Then it is up and out the door by 6:00 or 7:00 am in order get to the early classes.

The test is so serious that literally the entire country makes accommodations. Official announcements are made to clear the roads for the two hours prior to the start of the test in order to allow the students to get to the test centers. It is not an uncommon site to see policemen carrying students to the test in the minutes before testing begins and crying students running down the street, begging for rides from passersby.

During the listening portion of the test, airline flights are suspended or re-routed. Trains and boats are prohibited from using their whistles. Drivers are asked to refrain from honking horns.

Over the years I have witnessed incredible abuses, including severe beatings, against students who failed to get the grades that their parents expected, or did not study as hard as their parents expected them to, or, God forbid, “fail” the entrance exam. Beatings with switches, fists, books, and other household items have been administered by parents in a misguided manifestation of love and concern for their children and the children’s future. Fourteen years ago, the child in the house upstairs from me was being beaten so badly that I ran up and stopped it and harbored the kid in my house for several hours until the parent had calmed down. Although the manner of expressing the concern is unacceptable, it is clear that parents understand the importance of the test in ways that young students with brains of mush and no life experience cannot begin to fathom.

As mentioned above, this single test, in all seriousness, determines the future of every test taker. Personal relationships are so important. Middle management in companies tend to hire people from the same schools as the company bosses and owners. Business owners who hire directly will tend to hire people from their schools. Add to this, the fact that emphasis is placed on the top schools in Seoul, and you are left with a hopeless situation where more than half a million students are trying to get into the same four or five schools.

Of course, not everyone can go to Seoul National University. Some people do not have the test scores; others do not have the money. They are relegated to smaller community colleges or local universities. This unfortunate situation spells doom for their future. Many companies will not even glance at an application from someone who did not graduate from one of the “lesser” schools.

What are the products of this unimaginable pressure on the young, immature kids to perform on the test, the ridiculous and irrational bias toward the top few schools, and the incestuous hiring practices of the corporate elite? Each year, there are a number of suicides directly related to performing at a less than perfect level.

Just this past weekend [ed. note: last year] someone sent a letter threatening to kill children attending schools in Gangnam-gu and to detonate bombs at the National Assembly Hall and one of the most luxurious apartment complexes in the country. The reason for issuing these threats, states the as yet unknown author, is that “Two years after graduating from a provincial college and finishing military service, I still haven’t found a job,” and “This is a country that only appreciates people who graduate from top universities.”

Something must be done to diminish the importance of the college entrance exam and to allow the individual schools to set their own criteria for accepting students. Companies must be made to consider applicants on the basis of considerations other than what school the applicant attended.

Right now there are roughly 8 million tasks and ideas running through my head. As no one has died in the past couple of days and there are no new terror alerts, I’d like to deal with a few of the things plaguing my skull.

SUICIDE: We are now officially in suicide season, where little boys and girls turn into Peter Pan and begin their annual lemming-like plunges off of assorted tall structures. More on this later.

JULIE IMPQUEEN: Of course you are a lunatic, but I haven’t forgotten about you. I’m just waiting until I have sufficient time and energy (they don’t come in the same package quite as often these days) to put together a good post. It may take a while. I still owe Kevin a religious overview email. Don’t ask him how long he has been waiting.

ARCHIVING: I am working on bringing the first few months of my old blog-city blog (Nov - Dec 2003) over to this site. That’s a time consuming pain in the butt.

NEW TOY: Got me a new girl today. Ain’t she cute? Don’t know her name yet.

Anyway, after 2 and 1/2 hours of playing rough and breaking her in with good old scratchy blues fingering all the way up her fretboard, I gave her long, black neck a good rubdown and put her to bed for the night. Then, I turned my attention to nursing my raw and calloused fingers back to health.

Email just received from the US Embassy:

The U.S. Embassy is transmitting the following information through the Embassy’s warden system as a public service to all U.S. citizens in the Republic of Korea. Please disseminate this message to U.S. citizens in your organizations.

Seoul SWAT Exercises October 18, 19, & 21;
October 21 Exercises with Simulated Explosive Devices

The Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency (SMPA) has advised the US Embassy that the SMPA Special Weapons and Assault Team (SWAT) will conduct training on 10/18 and 10/19, between 2:00 p.m. and 3:00 p.m. in the vicinity of the Embassy (KT Building, Kyobo Building and the Sejong Cultural Center). A helicopter will be utilized during the training exercise.

In addition, the SWAT team will conduct a capability demonstration on Thursday, 10/21, between 10:00 ?10:30 a.m. During the exercise on 10/21, the team will utilize simulated explosive devices. Please do not be alarmed by this training exercise. Embassy operations will not be affected. The Embassy will remain open to the public as usual.

The U.S. Embassy in Seoul will continue to keep the U.S. community informed of any changes in the overall security situation. The Embassy encourages all U.S. citizens to register their presence in Korea with the American Citizens Services office at the U.S. Embassy or via the Internet at http://travel.state.gov/travel/abroad_registration.html or http://www.asktheconsul.org/.

They say that everybody loves a parade. Garbage. I hate parades. I think that parades are absolutely stupid.

They are ridiculous in the US. Meaningless politician after meaningless politician driving by in El Caminos. Lame high school marching band after lame high school marching band. Clown on minibike after clown on minibike. Hayseed princess float after hayseed princess float. Fire truck after fire truck. Ugh… And then there are thousands of morons who line the streets for hours watching this crap.

Last night marked the beginning of the Annual Chagalchi Fish Market Festival here in Pusan. And as usual, the parade route goes directly below my office window. Although parades, in and of themselves, suck. Let me tell you…The Annual Chagalchi Fish Market Festival parade is awful, even by parade standards.

Unfortunately, I was without my camera yesterday and couldn’t take pictures of old people dressed like prawns, octopi, squid, and sea squirts. I missed taking pictures of hanbok-clad sign-holding woman after hanbok-clad sign-holding woman. I had to suffer through clanging, banging farmer’s music playing troupe after clanging, banging farmer’s music playing troupe after clanging, banging farmer’s music playing troupe after clanging, banging farmer’s music playing troupe pounding their way under my window with drums and gongs…. ugh.

Thank heavens THAT crap is over for another year.

However, I must say that Korean parades have surprised me twice…and both surprises were in the same parade. A couple of years ago there was some stupid “HI SEOUL!” celebration that I didn’t know was happening and got stuck in the middle of.

My first surprise came in the form of this….uhhh…. this….er….whatever it is….:

Later in the same parade, I was really quite impressed by the all woman Scottish Highland marching band….I was impressed until the next five all woman Scottish Highland marching bands went by and I realized that it is the Korean equivalent of lame high school marching band after lame high school marching band:

Bush scores on health care: “A plan is not a litany of complaints.”

Kerry keeps bringing up McCain…He is aware that McCain supports Bush, isn’t he?

Bush scores again on Kerry’s promise to not raise taxes: “His rhetoric doesn’t match his record. In 20 years, he voted to increase taxes 98 times…He has proposed 2.2 trillion dollars in new spending.”

Kerry smirks….Bush smirks back.

Bush scores again on taxes: “We are not spending the government’s money. We are spending YOUR money.”

Bush scores more points with: “There is a mainstream of American politics and you are on the far left bank…. Ted Kennedy is the Conservative senator from Mass.”
D’oh Bush shouldn’t have laughed after that line. It was forced and he laughed alone.

Kerry loses BIG TIME bringing Cheney’s lesbian daughter into the debate. Idiot. Liberal Paul Begala agrees with me. So does Robert Novak.

Kerry comes out in open defiance of the Catholic Church. That must take guts.

Bush makes a joke that goes something like this.”Well I’m not sure that it’s a good idea to quote major new media on things like…………….er….well…..nevermind.” BAM That one blew up in his face.

Kerry is strong and forceful, but so negative.

BUSH HITS A PERSONAL HOMERUN ON IMMIGRATION: “I do not support amnesty. We shouldn’t reward people for illegal behavior. There are plenty of people standing in line and doing it the right way.” YES!!!! EXACTLY!!!

Ugh. this boring.

Why does Kerry keep bringing up McCain? Twice in one answer? Bush needs to point out that McCain supports him.

Bush finally mentioned that McCain supports him.

Bush knocks it out of the part on the last question about what they have learned from the strong women in their lives. Bush says, “[I’ve learned] To listen to them. To stand up straight and not scowl. (much laughter)….She speaks better English than I do. (more and louder laughter).”

I call this one a draw. Bush was very weak at the beginning. Kerry was strong but mean and negative. Bush got up to speed and hit his stride about 30 minutes into the debate. Kerry continued his negativity throughout the debate. He continued to bring up McCain and Cheney’s lesbian daughter. Bush keep making bad, scripted jokes. All around, it was a pretty poor performance on both sides.

BREAKING NEWS:

CHRISTOPHER REEVE: DEAD

Drudge reports that Christopher Reeve died suddenly on Sunday.

The world has lost a good man and great actor.

UPDATE: It appears that Reeve suffered a massive heart attack, lapsed into a coma and never recovered.

Tarzan wasn’t a ladies’ man.
He’d just come along and scoop ‘em up under his arm
Like that, quick as a cat in the jungle.
But clark kent, now there was a real gent.
He would not be caught sittin’ around in no
Junglescape, dumb as an ape doing nothing.

Superman never made any money
Saving the world from Solomon Grundy.
And sometimes I despair the world will never see
Another man like him.

Hey bob, supe had a straight job.
Even though he could have smashed through any bank
In the united states, he had the strength, but he would not.
Folks said his family were all dead.
Their planet crumbled but superman, he forced himself
To carry on, forget krypton, and keep going.

Superman never made any money
Saving the world from Solomon Grundy.
And sometimes I despair the world will never see
Another man like him.

Tarzan was king of the jungle and lord over all the apes,
But he could hardly string together four words: I tarzan, you jane.

Sometimes when supe was stopping crimes,
I’ll bet that he was tempted to just quit and turn his back
On man, join tarzan in the forest.
But he stayed in the city, and kept on changing clothes
In dirty old phonebooths till his work was through
And nothing to do but go on home.

Superman never made any money
Saving the world from Solomon Grundy.
And sometimes I despair the world will never see
Another man like him.

- Crash Test Dummies

KEN CAMINITI: DEAD

Former NL MVP Ken Caminiti died Sunday of a massive heart attack at 41 years of age. Caminiti admitted to heavy steroid use and was battling a cocaine addiction.

Can’t think of what to get to get your Korean friends for Christmas. Let Abercrombie & Fitch help you out.

They have the perfect gift: The Paul Hamm commemorative T-shirt.

Order now while supplies last.

There’s a new blogstress (Blogtrix?) in town.

Although Kevin at Big Ho already gave her a shout, I ignored it. Then I following an incoming link from my counter stats and ended up at Julie the Impqueen’s new blog, Persephone’s Synaptic Misfire.

Good stuff. Brainy chicks that don’t flaunt their braininess, but display it in subtle ways, are a definite turn on. That’s the Impqueen (her killer bod doesn’t hurt either).

Whereas the Big Ho’s transcendent writings are about as subtle as being rogered up the backside by a rhinoscerous, the masterful writings of his friend the Impqueen spark something in your head, and her brilliance slowly dawns on you in much the same way as the time when it dawned on you that a show about some teenage hippie Brit tooting on a magical flute to transport him to a alternate fantasy world full of talking mushrooms and bright colors where he can play with a big orange dragon called H.R. Pufnstuf through a series of incredibly disjointed storylines just MIGHT be some sort of drug-related innuendo.

I look forward to reading more of her stuff at Persephone’s Synaptic Misfire. However, a few points that I must mention about her and her blog:

Her favorite movies: While in agreement that most of her choices are good, I was slightly disheartened to see that “Waiting for Guffman,” “Office Space,” and “MST3K The Movie” were not on her list.

Favorite books: Big ups to her on her book list. Where the Wild Things Are is a brilliant book that is still among my favorites. Again, slightly disappointed not to see Lloyd Alexander’s Taran Wanderer series, Where the Sidewalk Ends, The Mouse and the Motorcycle, or Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. Also, the Time Trilogy is actually a quartet (quatrology?)

Pug Props: She’s got Max. I may have to break out old photos of Barkley the Wonder Pug, the coolest dog that ever lived.

Gargoyles: She’s got one. Maybe we can introduce ours to each other. Imperfect, repeatedly broken and battered SMG seeks SFG for long nights draining rain from buildings, looking menacing, and warding off evil. Looks not important. Must like getting stoned. Picture enclosed.

I have written before about the phenomenon of Korean girl roadblocks. Although it was a somewhat tongue-in-cheek commentary on three or four girls moving slowly down the sidewalk in some form of beskirted rolling roadblock, THIS is completely unacceptable:

SEVEN people (Yes, the guy on the right is part of the road block) shambling down the sidewalk during my lunch hour today.

Although I said that the first debate went to Kerry for his better debating skills, the Vice Presidental debate was a different story. Cheney soundly whipped young Master Edwards. Several times during the debate I felt a bit sorry for Senator Edwards, who repeatedly muttered something about Haliburton whenever Cheney scored hard.

However, at one point, I actually cringed out of pity for Edwards when Cheney caught Edwards amidship with a full broadside attack. Cheney got of this remarkable blast:

“Senator, frankly, you have a record in the Senate that‘s not very distinguished. You‘ve missed 33 out of 36 meetings in the Judiciary Committee, almost 70 percent of the meetings of the Intelligence Committee.

You‘ve missed a lot of key votes: on tax policy, on energy, on Medicare reform.

Your hometown newspaper has taken to calling you “Senator Gone.”

You‘ve got one of the worst attendance records in the United States Senate.

Now, in my capacity as vice president, I am the president of Senate, the presiding officer. I‘m up in the Senate most Tuesdays when they‘re in session.

The first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight.”

Edwards looked visibly stunned and could only reply with some weird comment about how Cheney voted against Meals on Wheels and against banning plastic weapons that can pass through metal detectors sometime back in the 1970s.

Conservative commentator Tucker Carlson had this to say about that particular exchange:

Ouch.

VH1’s Jessie Kline had this to say about the verbal beatdown:

Okay, Cheney just told Edwards he’s missed 33 out of 36 senate votes. This is basically Darth Vader knocking Luke’s light saber out of his hands. Use the force, Luke. Use the force.

This did not go at all well for Edwards.

So far, I score it 1:1 for Dems and Reps.

He’s Baaaaaaaaaaack!!!

You’re with your baby
And you’re parked alone
On a summer night
You’re deep in love
But you’re deeper in the woods
You think you’re doin’ alright
Did you hear that voice
Did you see that face
Or was it just a dream
This can’t be real
That only happens, babe
On the movie screen
Oh, but he’s back
He’s the man behind the mask
And he’s out of control
He’s back
The man behind the mask

Welcome back to the Infidel and, hopefully, Mrs. Infidel.

Music TV

Over the Chuseok holiday I was exposed to more than enough local music television to last a lifetime. While I am reluctant to (publicly) criticize the state of music around the world and Korea in particular, one thing I can say with confidence is that THIS is simply unacceptable and shouldn’t be allowed under any circumstances…except maybe a bad Halloween party:

Wireless Internet Access

Yet another non-banking place that has WiFi service in Pusan. Yea!

Menus

While I would prefer “Really Great Juice”, I suppose I could settle for “Fine Juice”. Also, I’m pretty sure the maker of a particular cola beverage would hesitate to launch a local version of their advertising campaign based on the slogan, “Have a coke and a smile.” And why are Dr. Pepper and hot chocolate lumped together? what could they possibly have in common, except the price, which is the same for everything on the menu?

N.B. For you non-korean reading people, “Fine Juice” should be “PINE(apple) JUICE.”

URGENT

I just received the following message from the US Embassy regarding a massive demonstration planned today by people protesting the “policies of the Korean Government” in what appears to be one of the increasingly popular “umbrella demonstrations:

Seoul Metropolitan Police authorities advised the U.S. Embassy of a planned, large-scale demonstration that will occur in the vicinity of the Chancery. Approximately 100,000 Korean conservative and religious organizations plan on gathering at City Hall on Monday, October 4 at 4 p.m. (several blocks south of the U.S. Embassy) to protest policies of the Korean Government. Political, labor, and student demonstrations and marches have on occasion become confrontational and/or violent. American citizens and their family members should exercise caution and avoid gatherings of large groups in order to minimize risk to their personal safety. Streets may also close without warning on orders of the local police.

The U.S. Embassy in Seoul will continue to keep the U.S. community informed of any changes in the overall security situation. The Embassy encourages all U.S. citizens to register their presence in Korea with the American Citizens Services office at the U.S. Embassy or via the Internet at http://travel.state.gov/travel/abroad_registration.html or http://www.asktheconsul.org/.

Nearly every blogger in the universe will be talking about the debate between Bush and Kerry.

Although I am a Bush supporter, I have to say that although Bush seemed to be more factual in his statements, Kerry came of appearing to be the better of the two debaters. Bush had this weird heavy breathing thing going on…. Bush has got to give a better delivery in the next two debates.

Reading the various comments on the debate, I found the best comentator with the most neutral and rationale comments to be Jessi Kline’s comments:

Posted 8:55 p.m. ET

Right now, a team of computer technicians are putting the finishing touches on Kerry’s brand new, state of the art, fully automated Artificial Soul. It’s come a long way since the faulty one Nixon had. Bush is probably reading passages from the New Testament and doing a couple of lines with some U of M seniors. Jim Lehrer is probably just having a good weep in the men’s room.

…

Posted 9:05 p.m. ET

I’m already disappointed. The candidates just “walked” onstage. All this hype for that? Hello, couldn’t they have been lowered from the ceiling in leather harnesses? This sucks.

…

Posted 9:10 p.m. ET

Isn’t that cute that Bush is wearing a blue tie and Kerry is wearing a red tie? It’s like Bert wearing horizontal stripes and Ernie wearing vertical stripes.

…

Posted 9:22 p.m. ET

I love it when Bush refers to al Qaeda as a “group of folks.” They’re a “group of folks” who hate America. A “group of folks” usually refers to something more low key, like The Mamas and the Papas.

…

Posted 9:26 p.m. ET

Kerry just said the subway was shut down when the RNC was here in NYC. I’m not sure that’s true. But then again, I was at the movies all week. Did anyone see “I Robot”? I thought it sucked. Is Kerry still talking? I’m already exhausted.

…

Posted 9:45 p.m. ET

Bush just said he sees things on the “TV screens.” Don’t most of us just refer to them as “TVs”? That’s like saying, Jennifer Aniston is my favorite “TV screen” star. He sounds like the adorable Andy Kaufman character from Taxi.

…

Posted 9:47 p.m. ET

I’m just noticing that Kerry has really weird thumbs. I’m not sure America should be led by a guy with such weird thumbs. I think Bush really needs to jump on that.

…

Posted 10:00 p.m. ET

I love that Kerry seems to have learned about 23 other distinctive hand motions besides his signature, much-maligned karate chop. But the thing is, you can tell the one he’s really dying to use is the karate chop. Don’t do it, John. DON’T do it. Save it for the close.

…

Posted 10:12 p.m. ET

Did Bush just say “we began a nude dialogue with Korea”? That is saucy! I like it! Maybe we could threaten North Korea with some “nude-ular” weapons.

…

Posted 10:27 p.m. ET

Okay, Bush responding to how we’re dealing with rogue, nuclear weapons while trying to explain why we’re building new ones sounds like a sneaky guy lying to his roommate about how he didn’t have sex with his girlfriend.

“Uh, you know…we hung out…but not too much…yeah, she’s pretty….I don’t even know where she lives…I have her cell phone number, sure…but she’s not that hot…STOP BADGERING ME.”

That just about sums up both candidates at the debate today.